Erik Solheim: Sri Lanka is None of Your Business
September 2, 2009 —
By Asoka Weerasinghe
Dear Erik:
I just came across the news item in the Sri Lanka Daily Mirror Breaking News which said:
“The government has officially protested with Norway over the comments made regarding the Sri Lankan government to the media by Norwegian Minister of International Development and former peace facilitator, Erik Solheim.
Outgoing Foreign Secretary Dr. Palitha Kohona told Daily Mirror online yesterday (August 28) he had raised the matter with Charge d’Affairs of Norwegian Embassy in Sri Lanka over the weekend.”
Erik, you are obviously making a nuisance of yourself to the Sri Lankan Government, acting like an incorrigible child. I am sure if you had been such a nuisance at home your mom would have hauled you onto her knees, pulled your pants down and smacked your bare bum until it turned an Arctic salmon pink.
Being a superstitious Sinhalese, I told myself, “This cannot be right. This man seems to be a good man and is holding a responsible position in the Norwegian Government; it must be the planetary powers that are skewing his faculties of responsibilities.” So I went to the Goan Ashokan Almanac for 2009 to see what it had to say for persons who were born on January 18.
And lo and behold, this is what the Astrological Chart had to say:
“Happy Birthday: Get ready to experience momentary lapses of critical thinking where judgments could annoy others close to you. Even though it may be hard, try to accept that you are a failure in your most cherished endeavors that you have been mulling over the past decade or so, which you think might bring you to prominence in dealings outside your land of birth. You will require patience to find the right choices away from areas, like international marketing and conflict resolution. Focus on areas other than those which have been identified and make things happen and just not keep talking about it. Your lucky numbers are 18, 05, 20, 09”.
My gosh! Erik, this astrological reading was just you, 100 percent. Amazing! When I tried to permute your lucky numbers…Bang! Bingo! It turned out to be the date when your friends, the Tamil Tigers of Sri Lanka, who were your partners for life, were wiped out on May 18, 2009. Amazing, isn’t it?
So, if I were you Erik, I would go by your astrological chart, accept that you have been a failure in trying to help your dear friends, the Tamil Tigers, to get their mono-ethnic, racist Tamil state, Eelam, as the Sri Lankan Government is not going to let it happen. And stop niggling President Mahinda Rajapaksa and his minions, as the world has found out that they are a clan of proud royalty, and tough strategists, the lion- kings of the Sri Lankan jungles who showed the world that they were far superior than the jungle Norwegian nipple-fed Tigers and very likely the Norwegian wild wolves too.
I think you should stop your stupidity demanding the UN to investigate what happened in the last phase of the bloody civil war in Sri Lanka. I am surprised that it hasn’t sunk into your head as yet that your friends, the Tamil Tigers, were defeated fairly and squarely in their own game with guns and bullets as Sri Lanka’s Armed Forces were getting tired of playing cops and robbers with Prabhakaran and his company of terrorists. It is that simple. When you live by the gun, it is not unnatural for you to die by the gun.
There comes a time when you just have to give up being stupid if you want the world to stop laughing at your amateurish efforts trying to be an international peace negotiator. The long and short of it is that you failed in Palestine, you failed in Sudan, and you failed in Sri Lanka.
Swallow, your lutefisk-eating pride and get real. Go out and smell the Nordic air and the Nordic roses. Chase the summer, the elegant Fritillaries that flit and dance through the July meadows, that soak in the sun from sheltered hollows. Take a deep breath once in a while when your pride stiffens your stressed out neck and shoulders. That will do you a lot of good. Just keep out of Sri Lanka’s internal affairs as it is no business of yours.
I know… I know… Erik, it is tough when your relationship with the Tamil Tigers (according to your former friend, Karuna) was symbiotic, where there were gains of monies to buy a house, a gift of a 6-foot TV, donations of military transmitters, you advising Prabhakaran how to run his military outfit, a gift of 16 million kronor to Anton Balasingham after signing the CFA, et cetera. Erik you just cannot have the cake and eat it all too. Just let it go, as I said earlier, you have no business in poking your nose into President Rajapaksa’s affairs.
I am old enough to be your father, so take my advice Erik. Just don’t be a goddamned nuisance. It is just not healthy for your psyche.
Sincerely,
Asoka Weerasinghe
Originally published on LankaWeb on August 31, 2009.
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